The last few weeks have been a study in busy-ness. It’s not just that there has been a lot to do, but because “busy” has felt so very different over those 21 days.
Three weeks ago, I was completely in the living-my-life-to-the-fullest zone. I managed to cram each day with work and working out, creating and chatting, cooking well and eating better. I think I had four extra hands to type, stir, weed and hug simultaneously.
Two weeks ago I went surfing. Not literally, but metaphorically. I got swept up in some waves, rode them for a while, ultimately got toppled over, but it was all good because at the end of the day I was drinking a beer, surrounded by people I love.
Last week, I had so many good things I was excited to do but I could barely enjoy them because there was just. so. much. Long conversations that went to the early hours of the morning ran up against great ideas at work that are going to require major time to complete spilled into trying to fit three different family/friend events into one day.
Three weeks ago, I was a soul on a mission, dancing lightly over the earth and stopping not only to smell the roses, but to blog about them.
Today, I’m someone who’s forgoing sleep in favor of “shoulding” all over myself. (Hint: If you ever find yourself awake at 3 a.m., unable to decide between going to the 24 hour workout place, meditating on your couch or catching up on email, tell yourself to go back to bed. ) My “shoulds” are a litany of the things I haven’t done or could be better at doing. And those feelings aren’t driven by guilt, but by the (recent) memory of doing more and feeling better.
I challenged myself to write this blog in order to see, to observe, to understand. Perhaps the lesson here is that the fine line between being used and being used up is the same line that differentiates “get to” and “should.” Or maybe it’s just about shifting focus. When I can manage to actually be where I am, not skipping ahead on the schedule, there’s a much greater chance that I’ll actually taste what I’m eating, enjoy what I’m doing and love who I’m with.